Heart Change

The final part of our story....

In many major life decisions we seek the Lord to give us His direction whether it be career, spouse, which house to buy, etc.  But rarely do we give the size of our family to him.  It's rare that I hear others talking about seeking the Lord for family size like I hear about these other major life changes.  This was us.  We thought it was really our decision so when we prayed about it years ago we never really asked the Lord what HE wanted, just wanted confirmation of what WE wanted.

There came a point when I was cut to the core of my being about this life changing decision we made several years prior.  Jeff and I offered up a prayer asking the Lord to forgive our wrong and asked Him to give us the next step.  We knew asking for forgiveness was just part of it.  We had to seek Him for the next step.

This next step was not easy.  We had to face our fears and truly give them up to the Lord.  Not only would Jeff have to face another surgery but I would have to face the uncomfortable lifestyle of pregnancy again.  At first we were not willing to do this and asked the Lord if He would have us adopt.  After much prayer, we realized it wasn't what He was showing us at that particular time even though it may still be part of His plan later on.  He wanted us to take this step of faith that we were scared to take.

We prayed, talked to mentors, researched scripture and prayed some more.  About 6 weeks later we found ourselves meeting with a Urologist and scheduling surgery.  In August 2012 the surgeon met me in the waiting room and told me everything went as well as could be and we would have to wait to see if the reversal was successful.

We knew going into this surgery that we were not guaranteed another pregnancy.  In fact, the only thing we knew was that this was a step the Lord was leading us to take but had no idea if it would result in more children or if the Lord just wanted us to be obedient to His calling.

Statistically we should not be pregnant right now.  Within 8 weeks our third child was conceived and we knew beyond anything that this is what the Lord desired.

There's still a bit of fear.  Will we have complications?  Will baby be born healthy and strong?  Will we face another crisis at birth?  We have no idea, but we also know that God never promises an easy road.  Yes, I am sick again this time, we do have a higher chance of another child with a heart defect, and some days I'm overwhelmed with having a baby again.  Yet we have complete joy and peace and an overwhelming excitement to add more children to our family.  We know God has an ultimate plan and we just take each step He puts in front of us without fully seeing the vision ahead.

We get asked if we'll have more after this....to this we answer...we will seek the Lord one baby at a time.  :) We are done making 10 year plans since our lives the last 10 years have gone in ways we never dreamed.  Here I am at 32 having another baby, 7 years after my last one.  All we know is that God is good all the time and when we truly seek Him, He will give us one step at a time.